Tips For Christian Guys On Dating
Probably the biggest balancing act we have to face in our lives is the one between our desires and our beliefs.
Speaking to you as someone who’s struggled, at times, with his faith and his urges as a man, I believe I have a unique perspective on how the two fit together.
It is natural to want to stay true to what we believe in. And for most Christian men, it is important that love occur within the boundaries of church.
One of those boundaries is that love making should only happen once married.
I don’t judge this tenant. Some people choose to follow it. I believe this is just as valid as the people who choose not to follow it.
Ancient cultures used to believe that when partaking in love making, a part of the other person’s soul would mingle with yours, and that you’d carry that person around with you for the rest of your life.
In some respects, this is true. So the doctrine to keep your virginity for your wife is a wise one.
But this presents a unique challenge for those men out there who wish to stay true to their faith.
How can you ramp up attraction and build a relationship if you have to wait for it?
Let’s face it, compatibility IS important. Without it, the union is difficult.
Here is some advice I’ve come up with specifically for men who face this issue of romance vs. faith.
1. Be clear about what you believe.
Our faith is meant to guide us through life. Because of this, it is very important to be clear on what it is you believe.
God gave us free will and the ability to think and reason. It is up to us to look at all our options and decide what path to take. You may believe in some of what the Church teaches, but not all. Or, you may embrace all of the Church’s teachings.
No matter what your choice, you must be clear on what it is you believe, and stick to it!
2. Understand that God has a plan for you
You must trust in the fact that there is a woman out there you are meant to be with, and God has a plan to unite you with her.
But there is only so much God can do! After all, we are beings of free will, and it is up to us to take action and seize the opportunities God presents to us.
That means we must be proactive in finding the right woman for us.
Going out and meeting women, taking them on dates, getting to know them – this is not just stuff that happens. We have to MAKE it happen.
And it is this, our actions, that keep us on our path. The one that God has laid out for us. After all, our actions are based on our beliefs.
3. Know that Virginity is not mystical or precious.
Many people have a notion that virginity is something to be prized, but it really isn’t. Love making is just an act. It’s just like breathing, or walking, or exercising. It is something we do.
God meant for man to be fruitful and multiply. We are meant to make love. It is one of God’s greatest gifts. If we were not meant to do this, He would not have made it pleasurable.
So to look at your virginity as something sacred is not helpful. Virginity is meant to be lost – the real challenge is finding the right person to lose it to!
In the end, there is a spiritual aspect to your amorous nature. It’s the aspect that you find someone who makes you feel whole, alive, and loved. This is something separate from the animal act, because this touches you on a deeper level.
This type of intimacy is what we should really try to attain before we jump into marriage. It’s for a better union and will allow you understand if the physical aspect will work too.
Do not be afraid to be intimate with women! Kissing, hugging, touching – this is all fine. But sharing your hopes and dreams, staring deep into her eyes and feeling her inner-most desires… that is where true intimacy stems from.
4. Look at women as real people, and do not put them on a pedestal.
Because of the importance places on love making in your faith, it might be easy to artificially inflate a woman’s importance.
You might see her as a delicate flower, or a goddess, or something that needs to be cherished and treated special.
But women are no different from me. God cut us both from the same cloth. To treat a woman as though she is special, just because you are attracted to her, is not the same as respecting her.
It is easy to love an ideal. But it is hard to love the reality. The woman who gets ornery when she’s hungry, the woman who nags you about taking out the garbage, the woman who wakes up in the morning with bad breath – that is the reality.
It is necessary for us to understand that women are human too. Despite a slight difference in chromosomes, we share similar traits. So there is no need to idealize, or trivialize them.
When we see girls as people, just like us, we are able to get a clearer picture of whether or not we are meant to be with them.
Tags: birth control questions, how much does birth control cost, getting off birth control pills, stopping the birth control pill, pros and cons of birth control, methods of birth control, birth control implants